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The Swamp Mermaid is Born

I am a Swamp Mermaid.

It all began because my best gal pal always referred to herself as a garbage human. Several months ago we stumbled upon this way cool salon called Swamp Mermaid and it was if a linguistic blessing descended from heaven and plopped into our brains. We are not garbage humans…We are swamp mermaids.  We didn’t have the language before but now we did.

Now, you should know that I’m all about knowing your self-worth and being able to acknowledge the lovely, intelligent, beautiful, and powerful woman I am. After all, I’m not in middle school anymore and post hoc hundreds of dollars and a handful of rueful therapist I did discover that…hey…maybe I’m pretty ok. Heck, I might even be fabulous.  A strong sense of self-worth though cannot be truly present without its buddy self-awareness.  This strong sense of self-awareness shines a very real light on that fact that despite my fabulousness I also have disgusting capabilities and in general can be a hot mess emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

So that is what being a swamp mermaid is all about! Embracing both your fabulous and mildly disgusting qualities. I am a beautiful mysterious mystical creature…I just might have to live in a swamp. Still confused?  Let me share some examples:

When you haven’t washed your hair in 5+ days and are out of dry shampoo, but the thought of showering is so horrendous you just lather on perfume and a hat = Swamp Mermaid

When you wear tights in the winter but your leg hair is so long it pokes out through your tights = Swamp Mermaid

When you drop popcorn down your shirt and crotch and unashamedly dig it out and pop it into your already overflowing mouth = Swamp Mermaid

When you Amazon PrimeNOW two gallons of ice cream, a bag of chocolate chips, and super plus tampons and answer the door with no bra just daring the poor amazon delivery person to judge you = Swamp Mermaid

When you have to face another baby shower/wedding shower and take a shot in the car alone before going in = Swamp Mermaid

When you can’t remember the last time you washed your go-to favorite beige bra (like babies have possibly been conceived and born) = Swamp Mermaid

When you say you are driving to the gym but instead go get beer and burgers = Swamp Mermaid

You get the idea. Right now you are probably feeling one of two things:

  • Horror. You are gagging at the thought that such people exist and wondering if I really have done all these things…yes. Yes I have and I’m mildly horrified as well.
  • Relief. You feel like you’ve found your people. Welcome friend. You have reached a judge free zone. Feel the embrace of the swamp sisters. Take off your bra. Slip on the stretchy pants. Be free.